Your Own

Several weeks ago I had the pleasure of visiting with a few very special people in my life who I don’t get to see often or spend much time with.  As we were visiting, the subject of having children came up.  My friend, who is just starting to think about her biological clock, was asked when she might start having babies.  She very clearly replied that she really has no interest in being pregnant or carrying a child, and that she would much rather adopt.  Immediately following her comment, my other friend started to say “Oh Valerie (I’ve changed the names to protect the privacy of the people involved), you want to have your……..” and she stopped.  Clearly, she was going to say “You want to have your own child.”

At the time, I didn’t respond, but now I wish I would have because I believe positive adoption launguage is an educational process.  I have heard this comment made often, and every time I hear it, it evokes strong feelings.    I know in my heart that people mean well and are not trying to be hurtful, but  it still annoys me every time I hear it.  What concerns me most is not my feelings, but my daughter’s feelings. Even though she and I have discussed this very important topic, I still can’t help but think she would feel sad if she heard someone she knows make that comment.

As an adoptive mother, I know it is my responsibility to help educate people about adoption.  With that being said, I want to make it VERY CLEAR that an adopted child IS YOUR OWN CHILD.  And unless you have adopted a child, or are a close family member of an adopted child, you will never completely understand this.  I know exactly what it feels like to carry, deliver and hold your birth child in your arms.  I also know exactly what if feels like to wait for what feels like an eternity and then finally meet and hold your adopted child in your arms.  Both are huge blessings.  Both are amazing.  And all of them are “my children.”  You don’t love them differently, you don’t care for them differently and you don’t treat them differently.  There is NO difference.  Period.   So family members, friends and acquaintances, on behalf of my family and all families with adopted children, I ask for your support in choosing your words carefully and using positive adoption language when referring to adoption or an adopted child.  :)