Several weeks ago I had the pleasure of visiting with a few
very special people in my life who I don’t get to see often or spend much time
with. As we were visiting, the subject
of having children came up. My friend,
who is just starting to think about her biological clock, was asked when she
might start having babies. She very
clearly replied that she really has no interest in being pregnant or carrying a
child, and that she would much rather adopt.
Immediately following her comment, my other friend started to say “Oh Valerie
(I’ve changed the names to protect the privacy of the people involved), you
want to have your……..” and she stopped.
Clearly, she was going to say “You want to have your own child.”
At the time, I didn’t respond, but now I wish I would have
because I believe positive adoption launguage is an educational process. I have heard this comment made often, and
every time I hear it, it evokes strong feelings. I know in my heart that people mean well
and are not trying to be hurtful, but it
still annoys me every time I hear it. What concerns me most is not my feelings, but
my daughter’s feelings. Even though she and I have discussed this very
important topic, I still can’t help but think she would feel sad if she heard
someone she knows make that comment.
As an adoptive mother, I know it is my responsibility to
help educate people about adoption. With
that being said, I want to make it VERY CLEAR that an adopted child IS YOUR OWN
CHILD. And unless you have adopted a
child, or are a close family member of an adopted child, you will never
completely understand this. I know
exactly what it feels like to carry, deliver and hold your birth child in your
arms. I also know exactly what if feels
like to wait for what feels like an eternity and then finally meet and hold
your adopted child in your arms. Both
are huge blessings. Both are
amazing. And all of them are “my
children.” You don’t love them
differently, you don’t care for them differently and you don’t treat them
differently. There is NO
difference. Period. So
family members, friends and acquaintances, on behalf of my family and all
families with adopted children, I ask for your support in choosing your words
carefully and using positive adoption language when referring to adoption or an
adopted child. :)
